Sometimes you take the breath right out of me.
Like tonight, when in between bites of pizza, you looked up at me with old eyes in a five year old body and said, “Sometimes you sound like, ‘Go to your room! Now!’”
My heart sank. I do?
“And sometimes you use a pretty voice like you are using right now.” And you returned to your pizza.
And just like that, you held up a mirror and I saw…a little more clearly than I would have liked.
If I stop and rewind the day in my mind and listen to it, there are times I don’t hear a whole lot of pretty. What I do hear is…
That’s not what the voice I want you to hear.
God, I whisper, my eyes clenched shut. I only want to use a pretty voice.
All the time I ask you, What are two things that our words can do? And you know the answer – build up or tear down. And again I ask, What are two things that our words can bring? Life or death, you recite back to me. And always I say, How you say something is just as important as what you say. And you nod.
But what is my voice telling you?
The conviction is strong, and the regret is large, and the determination is there at the end of each day. Tomorrow will be better…Tomorrow I will give life with my words…Tomorrow I will only use a pretty voice.
But I cannot do this by sheer determination. I need the humility to see how deep the problem runs. I need a Savior who has done this whole human life perfectly. I need His Spirit to bear fruit in my life and change my heart and then my voice.
“Faithful is He who has called you, and He also will bring it to pass.”
So bear with me, sweet girl, and maybe you will see the grace your mama needs and the Redeemer who gives it.