Thursday, March 27, 2014

On our Worst Days

Today was a worst day. It was not our only worst day, just one of them. And not every day is like this. We have wonderful days, full of grace and love and fun and laughter. But then creeps in one or several days full of rage and disobedience and crabbiness and chaos.

On our worst days, there are some things I want you to know.

On our worst days, I see you. I see you struggling and I know how that weight feels because I am there too. I see your emotions taking control and my own soul sighs in empathy. There is only one freedom from that, love, and you haven’t found it yet. But know that in my better moments I do look past the offenses to my authority and I see your sweet spirit in the middle of the pains of growing up and being human.

On our worst days, I am more than aware of my shortcomings. I know that if I had caught this earlier in the day we would probably not be this far gone by supper. I know that if I had not succumbed to laziness, if I had made the effort to address the problem or lavish extra attention on you when you needed it the most, things would probably have turned out a little bit differently. I see my impatience creeping in and the sore temptation to ignore delayed obedience or subtle deceptions. It’s not just you, honey. It’s me too.

On our worst days, I pray for you. You don’t notice it because the discipline is too loud in your ears but I am praying over you while you scream against the consequences of disobedience. I pray because it is all I know to do. God, be perfect in my weakness. God, pierce her heart with your relentless love. God, help her to see that Your way is the best way. God, help me to love her well.

On our worst days, I love you. That will never change. I do not love you because you are a good kid. I do not love you more because you obey me or less because you despise me. I love you because you are mine. That’s it. And that will never, ever change.