It happens when you set your jaw and narrow your eyes and I
can tell that it’s going to be a longer battle than it has to be. When I know that
it is fear that drives you and that the stubbornness you brought with you into
this world can be a weapon for good or for destruction, and I can’t make you
choose which one.
It happens when your perception of yourself is already
skewed, and instead of seeing your worth you only see your failure to measure
up to everyone around you. When I can clearly see your beauty and your value and
the lies that pile themselves up around you and inside you, and I can tell you
the difference but I can’t make you believe the thing that is true.
It happens when you fail and you hide behind your fig leaves
and it takes you a solid hour to get up the courage to actually confess what
you did, and when it’s over you are still weighed down. When we celebrate the
strength and courage that it took to admit your mistake, and we tell you of the
freedom of being in the light and not hiding, and still I cannot make you feel
un-sad.
I can’t fix you, and it’s the hardest thing about my life.
The things I desire for you…peace, freedom, confidence…those
are things I can’t deliver. I can say the words. I can fill up the room with
truth. I can write it on the walls and sing it over your beds and read it at
the table. I can want it for you so earnestly.
But I can’t be your savior.
So tonight I will lift up my eyes to the mountains.
Where does my help
come from?
Where can I find the energy to keep doing good? The faith to
sow and water and nurture and not have one ounce of power over the outcome? The
courage to smile at a future full of unknowns? The strength to bear with you in
joy and in sorrow? To listen and love without condition, knowing that you are each
a soul outside of myself, that I cannot and should not control?
My help comes from the
Lord
The Lord. Creator. Sustainer. Redeemer. Yes, Redeemer of
mistakes and of sinners and of failures. Full of mercy and compassion. Teacher. Burden-bearer. Wisdom-giver. Lover of my soul and lover of yours. Savior. King. Sovereign,
wise and good. So much better than I.
Maker of heaven and earth
Yes, Maker of heaven and earth. Maker of me, and Maker of
you. Maker who has given me the task, the heart-wrenching task, of loving and
teaching and guiding and delighting in you, but not of fixing you…but who has
also given me the most beautiful hope of trusting His infinitely more capable hand,
and resting in He who loves you more deeply than I ever can.
