The Truth Is.

It’s such a battle, this daily grind. And there is so much at stake in the moments.

I feel.

Sometimes I feel that I am failing. That I don’t have what it takes. That the weight of their souls lies solely on my shoulders, and every lie and tantrum and act of disobedience flowing from their hearts is proof that I am not doing a good job.

Sometimes I feel a sense of futility. That my life is full of never checked-off checklists and never fulfilled goals. That it is easier sometimes just not to try because the things on my plate will never get done.

And sometimes, God forgive me, I feel like these precious souls are a burden. That if I have to answer one more question or break up one more argument, I might explode. That I would rather hide in the bathroom or behind the computer screen than respond to the petulant cry of “Mamaaaa….”

But right now it is quiet in my house. With two littles sleeping in their beds and one kicking up a storm in my womb, maybe I can find some clarity. Maybe I can accept what I didn’t get done today. Maybe I can breathe in grace after the endless moments of frustration and impatience that filled my day. Maybe I can look beyond what I feel.

The truth is.

The truth is that my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. That His mercies are new every morning, and even and especially on my worst days His faithfulness is great.

The truth is that He has saved me and called me to a holy calling, not because of my works but because of His own purpose and grace, which He gave me in Christ Jesus before the ages began. That if I lose my life for His sake, I will find it. That He will fulfill His purpose for me. That the gospel makes a difference, and that Jesus died for days like this, and that victory is real in days like this.

The truth is that this story, this life, was never about me at all. The truth is that if I can just be still…cease striving…let go…and remember that You are God, and I am not, and that You will be exalted, and that this is the point of everything…then I will find the freedom to just live my part of the story, with three little blessings tucked under my faltering wings, and point them to the One who is our refuge and strength on the days when the feelings do not line up with the truth.