A Sleepless Night

So, last night was fun, except for not at all. Unless you think it’s fun when not even one of your three kids sleeps through the night, and two-thirds of them get up multiple times in the same night, and the three-year-old can’t stop coughing (bless her heart) and the baby won’t stop crying (bless my heart) at 3:00 AM. And your  husband is trying to get up to deal with it so you don’t have to (bless his heart) but you can kind of sense that if he keeps getting up you might end up finding the baby in the pantry or something bizarre like that because dads just aren’t wired the same way as moms at 3:00 AM.

But the weirdest things happen when you have the Holy Spirit dwelling in your heart. Because at 11:30 PM, 12:45 AM, 2:00 AM, 2:45 AM, 3:30 AM, etc., I had these very natural thoughts running through my mind…

Please, no, not again…please let them just fall back asleep…should I get up to take her to the restroom or just let her pee in her bed?...I’m going to die…can you die from lack of sleep?...he CANNOT be hungry, I’ve nursed him 89 times already tonight…please MAKE IT STOP…

But at the same time, I had these very unnatural thoughts running through my mind…

Count it all joy, brothers, when you encounter trials of various kinds…give thanks in all circumstances…My grace is sufficient for you…power is perfected in weakness…let endurance have its perfect result…in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…

And in my less delirious moments, I am able to cling to the promise.

My “trials of various kinds” are currently trials of the most mundane kind. But the promise holds whether I am grieving some tremendous loss or whether I am up all night feeding, rocking, or essential oiling my little ones. Because the promise doesn’t rest on the magnitude of my trial. It rests on the faithfulness of my Father.

Last night He didn’t allow me to die from being awakened one too many times. But He did give me a gracious reminder that my night was full of serving the least of these, and what a privilege that actually is, and that nothing goes to waste in His kingdom, and that “whatever you do to one of the least of these children of mine, you do it to Me…”

I’m still begging for a full night’s sleep. Is that even a thing? I don’t know anymore. But even in my inglorious trials, I can rest my soul in the promise of my Shepherd, who makes all things work together for my good.